“99p for downloading an NHS choir? Whatever
Happened to ‘Free at the point of delivery’…? “
“Look children, I appreciate you’re trying to help
Resolve Norfolk’s teacher recruitment crisis – but
have you asked these nice passers-by if they actually want to be teachers?”
“Yah, I’m SO relieved to hear they’re replacing the
Traditional, stick-thin Barbie with a fuller-figure
Curvy Barbie, I mean, she was a TERRIBLE
Role-model for young girls!”
“I’d steer clear o’ that one if I wuz yew. My
uncle Len in there’s got a tad paranoid about
defence o’ the realm since things started to hot up out East.”
(escalation of hostilities in Afganistan!)
“Look, I concede that it’s not exactly authentic
12th century building spec, but we have a tight
Budget-and you’ve got to admit these garden-centre
Panels DO have a certain intrinsic charm.”
“Hello…Emergency services?...Bit of an accident!
Inspired by the TV adaptation to read the actual book,
One of our-er-less robust customers was lifting
One down from the shelf, and …..”
“I dunno, Veronica….hackers seem to be gettin’
Younger and younger these days….”
“I’m aware that lately you’ve been spending endless
Hours decorating a dragon, Eleanor- but here we tend
To apply paint to our canvasses”
“Yeah, not a bad catch today, Kev – 2 Cod,
3 mackerel, 5 dabs, and seventeen EU
Water-quality inspectors.”
“Good news, folks! Today we’re extremely lucky to have
The benefit of invaluable advice from an American
Guest, who’s had a long, intimate involvement
with a National Park.”
“Relax, Mildred. Now there’s been the first conviction,
When I get onto the motorway, I promise I won’t hog
The middle lane. Heaven forbid that I should ever
be accused of holding up traffic!”
“Miss Merrydew, I’m aware that Mr. Lloyd Webber’s
Visit has inspired us all - but when I ask for All
Creatures That on Earth Do Dwell I do NOT expect
A medley from the Phantom of the Opera!”
“Hey, that’s awesome, dad – goats being used to
clear scrub on overgrown cliffs! Whatever will
Cromer council think of next?”
“Phew! Good news, boss! After five gruelling days
Working round the clock, I think we’ve finally nailed it!”
“Daddy, could you persuade Gran to do her stuff
At this new Jump Warehouse? Since you bought us
this trampoline, Megan ‘n’ me haven’t had
A look-in”
“Don’t blame me, guys! I ASSURE you this was a
Perfectly good lush, green meadow LAST Boxing
Day Hunt!”
“Sob! His last words were, ‘Huh, big deal! So where
Precisely ARE all these here so-called globally- significant prehist---‘….”